Shock

I came back to check up on you guys, because I hadn't in a few days, and I came back to a horrible shock.  It's not my place to talk about it, but if you all could send little Rose as much love and support as you can, I have a feeling that it would help.  Honey, if you're reading this, just know that you're in my thoughts.

New York as been pretty good. Not fasting, but I have been restricting, splitting a non-fat muffin with my sister for breakfast every morning, and then not eating until dinner when all I eat is some lettuce and cucumbers.  And I'm walking everywhere, which has actually meant walking all day, so that's good :) Burning lots of calories.  I'll fast tomorrow because I hate eating at the airport/when I'm traveling, so when I weigh myself at home, it should be a fairly accurate number!

My friend is trying so hard to heal everything that is wrong with me.  I haven't really talked much about him, I just call him "my friend', but really he is like my brother.  I swear, if he could, I bet he would do anything it took so that I could be happy with myself.  The thing is, I don't even know what that is anymore.  What is life without that bitch hissing in your ear that you're stupid/ugly/fat/disgusting/horrible? I don't know.

I like where I'm at.  Correction: I like how where I'm at is going to get me to where I want to be.  Skinny. Beautiful.  Untouchable.  Fearless.

I'll be able to fly.