early birthday present :)

i know that there probably isnt anyone out there who is reading this, but it is comforting to at least share my thoughts and progress with the shadows of cyberspace.

today, i reached my first goal weight. that means i dropped 8 pounds in one week. AND i was watching epic episodes of my favorite TV show, The West Wing (i know, it was cancelled years ago, but i still love it), so im just in a great mood today.

friday is my birthday, so im glad that i reached this goal before then. its like an early birthday present to myself :) does that seem selfish? well, for me it is giving me enough adrenaline to keep going. i hope that there is someone out there who can share the high of this accomplishment. but maybe i am jumping for joy prematurely. i havent hit the rough patch yet, let me tell ya, but this has certainly given me something positive to carry me through.

let me hear your voices.

starve on, loves. stay strong <3

lalala

so i lost another pound.....but idk if that's a hoax or not. im trying to keep it positive, because if my family notices that im getting depressed again, they'll know im going back to my old ways. im trying to hard to keep them off my back, but it's getting harder and harder to slip past dinner without eating anything...
i did have a really good workout today, though. I went for a 5 mile run, came home, and did a ballet class. I was dying by the end of it, but i managed to stay away from the food and just have a bunch of water. im on a high, and there is nothing tied to my feet to hold me down. i love it :) i missed this, this feeling of power.

I'm almost at my first weight goal. maybe tomorrow morning I'll step on the scale and it'll be there. god, i hope so.

let me hear your voices.

starve on, loves. stay strong <3

life continues...

hello there,
i dont know if you are out there, maybe i am talking to shadows, but I shall post this just in case there are a couple readers.

I stepped on the scale today for the first time since last wednesday. its been calling my name, and ive been trying to resist, i was scared as to what it would say. turns out it had some good news for me, for once :) I dropped 5 lbs since last week, which doesnt seem all that drastic, given the state of disgustingness that i am stuck in right now, but it is an improvement. I went from 138 to 133.

i wish i could make this go faster. i cant look in the mirror right now, knowing that all I will see is the fat bubbling around me like a suffocating blanket. I will break away from this bondage. let me hear your voices.

starve on, loves. stay strong.

<3

The beginning....

I have been reading many other Pro Ana blogs, and I wanted to start my own, because I know how much they have helped me. This will be a short post, but I want to extend my arms to all of my little loves out there, dying to be heard. Your silent whispers will always be heard and supported here. Stay strong.