whispers

I have a migrane right now.  I took my meds and they are not helping.  Went to school, stayed for an hour, came home and slept.  I feel grossanduglyandstupid.

Considered cutting this morning. bad bad bad bad bad thoughts.  I was slicing bread for my mom's breakfast (she was running late and asked for a favor), and the knife just slipped and barely grazed past my wrist.  No cut, but my stomach clenched as the blade whispered past and clattered to the ground.  scary scary scary.  Still wanting to do it.  Still sitting here thinking I should.  And what would happen if I just accidentally went too deep? Who knows....

I don't want to die.  But I am not afraid to.  And that scares me.

Stay strong, lovies. <3