so, ive decided that i am going to stay away from my blogs until i reach my next goal weight, as a sort of incentive. last weekend (4th of july holiday) was a HUGE disaster. i didnt binge, per say, but i did eat a lot more than i needed, partially because it was my birthday weekend as well and people were practically shoving cake down my throat.
speaking of cake....any harry potter fans out there? well, if you're reading this, let me know, cuz i had the most amazing birthday cake ever. since i turned 17 last week, i had my family make a cake in the shape of a golden snitch, like harry potter's 17th birthday cake. I promise, I am not usually this much of a geek, but when it comes to Harry Potter, I'm there :D
So I ate one piece of cake because everyone was watching, but I didn't eat anything else for the rest of the day. I just chugged the water, so no one suspected anything. The day after my birthday, though, was pretty tough.
My twin sister is a ballet dancer, and she's super skinny. When we went to go get food at this picnic for the 4th, I took less food than her, and she flipped. She was like "if you want to lose weight, not eating hardly anything isn't the way to do it...." and then she put some of the food she had grabbed back. it broke my heart. I don't want to drag her into this dark spiral of my eating disorder. but since she's the ballet dancer, she has it in her head that she HAS to be skinnier than me, and I'm afraid she'll go to unhealthy measures to keep up with me. As soon as she sees that I weigh less than her, I know she'll do something drastic. She has always been super competitive, it's just her nature.......I just dearly hope she restrains from participating in this particular "competition".
Anyways, I know that no one is reading this, but like I said before, it better to release these pent-up thoughts into the shadows of the Internet than have them cloud my mind.
Starve on, loves. Stay strong.
<3
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