Angry and Confused

Hello lovelies.

I said yesterday that I would update today when I wasn't feeling like looking at a computer screen was like stabbing needles into my eyes, so here I am.

I'm home now, done with my first year of university.  I wish I wasn't home.  I wish I could fly back to the other side of the country, where nothing is real.  Going to university is like a pseudo-reality, a timeless place where everything is in its own little bubble.

Well, my bubble just got burst, that's for sure.  I got home about a week ago, to find the knives in the kitchen hidden.  My dad searched my bags for any sharps I could have brought home, confiscating a pair of scissors and my leatherman.  It's good to be home.....*sarcasm*

I started a "diet" on Sunday.  It's something my dad is doing, where he's cutting out all sugars and carbs for two weeks (that includes fruit), so I decided to join him.  It's just a more valid excuse to restrict.  For example, I did not have anyone home for breakfast or lunch, so I just drank water and diet coke.  For dinner, my dad took me out, where I ate a third of a chinese chicken salad (120) and had some more diet coke.  Plus I went for a 3 mile walk today (-320), so my net was actually negative today.  Small accomplishment.

On another note, I am kind of in an argument with P.  Mostly because he thinks I'm being unhealthy by going on a diet.  Little does he know....I shouldn't be mad at him, but he made a comment that made me irrationally angry.  It shouldn't have, but it did.  He basically lectured me about how to "properly lose weight".  Please.  I've seen 4 nutritionists, I was a nationally ranked athlete, and my parents are health nuts.  Plus, OH YEAH, I have an EDNOS.  Does he honestly think I don't know what the "healthy" way to lose weight is? Seriously?  Just because I'm choosing to do things in a manner that satisfy my deranged mental needs doesn't mean I'm ignorant.  It really pissed me off.  Mostly because, although he is wonderful, P can be so fucking condescending that I really can't handle it.  I hate condescension, it is really one of the worst traits I could possibly think of in someone. But P is so wonderful otherwise that I forgive him for this particular flaw.

I really hope P doesn't read this.  I know he knows the url for my blog, so.....I guess we'll see whether or not he has kept his promise to not look on here anymore.

xoxo