I'm here...and I'm going to be alright.

At least, that's what I have to keep telling myself.

I know that I haven't posted in awhile.  I'm sorry about that.  Master Cleanse was a bust.

But that's not what I want to post about.  I would just like to tell you that I am actively seeking recovery.  I want to get away from this horrific monster that has controlled my life for years and years.  I am beautiful.  I am worth it.  I love my family, and I am re-learning to love myself.  Today, I had a raspberry smoothie and avocado toast for breakfast.  That was a little scary, so I only had an apple for lunch....but I'm working on it.  I'm talking to my parents and my sister, and they are being amazingly supportive, especially my mom.

For those of you who are still struggling, I just have this to say: I love you guys.  You understood me when I was going through my darkest of times, and for that all I can do is thank you.  I hope that one day you all can learn to love yourselves, and recognize how beautiful and amazing you are.  I stopped listening to that voice that kept telling me you can't and you're fat fat fat fat....and it has made all the difference.  I'm not saying that I'm miraculously better; I know that probably will never be true.  But I've finally discovered that I deserve to live the life that I want to live, and I don't want those shadows steering me around for the rest of my life.

I may not post again for awhile.  I'll occasionally check in, respond to comments or messages.  But I want to go live my life, as cliche as that sounds.  Just one small step at a time.

Much love <3