Okay, bad bad bad bad thing happened yesterday. I was checking my email, and I had gotten an email about a post that my friend had put on my tumblr account. I was confused because I NEVER post on that account, so I was wondering what she could possibly have to say about a post...well, here's what she said.
"I stumbled upon your tumblr and saw your heartbreaking post :'( I don’t mean to intrude but I could completely identify with ur feeling that – nobody else understands what youre going through. Though, please don't EVER lose hope, things will change for the better (and soon) as long as you stay positive. If you need someone to talk to I’m here for ya."
SHE HAS BEEN ABLE TO READ THIS BLOG. I don't know how it happened, but somehow my Fading Whispers posts were being posted on my tumblr as well, and she was able to read all of them. I'm not sure if she did, so I gave her a super spastic reply in the hope that she hadn't, but I am so shaken up. And the first thing I thought was I need to tell someone about this...Until I remembered that I couldn't. I can't tell my sister because she would flip. I can't tell my friends because they already suspect that I am Loco with a capital "L". I obviously can't tell my parents because they would probably throw me in a hospital. I have NO ONE TO TALK TO. I mean, posting on here helps (so much, I can't even say how much), but I can never utter aloud what I tell you guys. The realization of that hit me like a battering ram yesterday after the whole tumblr debacle. I feel so lonely.
So. Lonely.
I love my friend to death. Her comment warmed my heart because it is clear that she does care about me. The fact that she posted that comment after I haven't seen her or really talked to her for over a year is so sweet. But I don't know if our friendship could handle something this big. I'm so afraid.
I'm grasping in the dark for someone's hand, but there is no one there.
Help.....
Stay strong <3
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ReplyDeletexx
Could you talk to your friend that cares? Then it would be aloud - I know it isn't the same writing as talking - I said what I was thinking the other day, it was so much weirder that I thought. My mind tolerates my madness more than others do it would seem.
ReplyDeleteif you ever want a skype, id be happy to, if it made you feel less alone xxx
I think if after a year of hardly any communication she's showing you that kind of support, then you have one amazing friend right there.
ReplyDeleteYou're afraid and that is *so* understandable, because your blog is your place, and it was not meant for those who know you. But now she does know. Regardless of whether she's read everything or just one post, she knows there is something going on. You said you want to tell someone about it, but to me it sounds like she would be the perfect one to talk. You won't have to bring up too much as she will now have some idea of what's going on.
I can't imagine how scary it must be - but hers might be the hand you can grasp.
I'm praying for you xxx
I've just started following yr blog, but read it all, you seem so lovely!
ReplyDeleteBut that must of been so frightening for you...i know how that feels! But just rise above it x
Theres nothing you can do about it now, but you still have a lot of people backing you all the way, don't feel alone or scared x