Been Away Too Long

I've had some catching up to do on all of your blogs.  So much has happened, and I'm so sorry for being away and not available to give you whatever words of comfort I could.

I've started doing an eating thing where I drink a 100 calorie meal replacement in the morning, I have a hard boiled egg-white in the afternoon, and then an apple at dinner.  I was reading Kim's posts yesterday (I'm so glad she's back....if you don't follow her, do it.  She's one of my favorite angels on here), and she apparently found some calorie free peanut butter, caramel, and other various spreads.  I'll try to hunt down the brand and post it on here, that could be a lifesaver for me once I got back to school.

I hate being home for the holidays.  It just makes me fat and depressed.  This year has been worse than usual because my family is living in a tiny apartment in San Francisco, so everyone is just jumping down each other's throats.  I think my sister has started going on proana tumblr blogs for thinspiration, which scares me.  She's always had some Mia tendencies, but I'm afraid it could flare up into a full on disorder if she keeps looking at them.  I know that isn't exactly how it works, she's not a wannorexic, but looking at the posts and the pictures I fear will have something click in her brain and her stubborn side will say "Let's see if I can push those limits, just because I can."  That's just how she is.  I've been showing her some of the girls on tumblr that are in recovery, who post the healthy stuff, so hopefully she'll stay there and won't stray into the darker corners.

Anyways, I'm considering making a twitter account as a sort of branch from this main blog.  It'll be more daily intake and weight, maybe some other things.  Fewer rants, because it's harder to do that with only 140 characters.  What do you guys think? Would you follow it?

So good to be back, you are all so beautiful and strong.  Together we can do this <3

New Year's Resolutions

• Lose 20 pounds by Gala (end of February)
• Stop drinking Diet Coke, replace with water
• Dry semester...that means no alcohol.  Period.  No exceptions.
• Go to the gym everyday.  I won't have ballet this semester, so I'll need some encouragement.  Help me out?

I love you girls so much.  I've missed you.  Welcome to the Year of Skinny.  We can do this!!!

Breakfast: Kashi (85 calories)
Lunch: large Diet Coke (0 calories)

Sorry I haven't been around for so long. I missed you guys.

I bought rice cakes to take back to my dorm. I'm going to start using the
as meal replacements like I used to.

I'll post later, when I'm on my computer. Love you guys.

Restart

Hello lovelies :)

So, I did the liquid fast this weekend.  But I forgot that I had a geology field trip (where I burned 3000 calories each day from hiking....that's not an exaggeration, I actually calculated it).  Needless to say, I ran into some problems.  I may or may not have passed out on the trail.  Moral of the story, I was forced to eat some solid food this weekend in order to function.  But I still lost three pounds in two days!!!

I'm going to restart the liquid fast tomorrow, and go for a week.  I don't have any crazy physical stuff that I need to be doing (although a couple of visits to the gym will definitely be happening, along with my ballet classes), so I won't be forced into having more than a liquid fast can provide.

I'm going to go check my dashboard to see how your guys' weekends went.  Love you lots <3

One Week Liquid Fast

Yes, yes, I know, I stole this idea from the lovely Ell (if you are not following her, you should.  She is one of the most lovely human beings on the planet).  She was such an inspiration, so starting tomorrow I am going to do a one week long liquid fast.

I just went and  weighed myself between ^that paragraph and this one, and I'm actually crying.  Well, crying is not exactly how I'd describe it.....sobbing is probably a better word.  Trembling with horror.  Biting my lip in agony.  I'm so disappointed in myself.  I want to cut, but I can't find my knife and I think W hid it from me.  I'm mad that he did that, he can't control things like that.  I need some sort of release right now.  Oh god.  How could I have let this happen?

Words can't even describe the state of despair I'm in right now.  I love you girlies, I promise I'll be back on track soon.  No more despairing posts, the next time I post I'll be shining and strong, I promise you all <3

I don't care