All Alone in this Empty Apartment

Hello lovelies.

This week has been a weird one, as I have been entirely by myself.  I am the only one at work this week, my roommate is on vacation, and my cat is staying with my sister at my parents' apartment.  I think this is the longest time in a long time that I've gone without speaking out loud to someone. Like, I'm texting my friends, but I haven't had an in-person conversation in days.

I've been mostly restricting, only eat one full meal a day and I try to keep it at 500 calories or less.  Still feels like so much, I remember when I could fast for days in a row like it was nothing.  I need to get back to that.  I have found that the best way to fall back into this though (I sort of hate and love that I have a go-to pattern for relapse) is to start restricting steadily.  If I restrict too much too soon, I just give up and binge because I'm too hungry.  Fuck hunger.  Also, fuck the fact that alcohol has so many calories.  I would love to just get completely wasted on New Year's Eve, but instead I'm probably going to be miserably sober and just go to bed early.

Sometimes I wish I could just take a break from being me.